Jim, I hope things work out for you and your family, eventually. It seems like such a sad state of affairs. 

At the time my old man turned up his toes my two sisters went into permanent meltdown with each other.... they pretty much have never spoken to each other. [we're talking years here].

Families.....aka....'shit happens'.

I'm just the poor sod in the middle....but as Ned Kelly said just before he was hung...."Such is life".

Actually....it SHOULD be 'hanged' ....'hung' is what is done to a painting .... ...

Jim we talked before on the phone and if you still have my number please feel free to call me or PM me and I will give it to you.

I have read several different replies and many were different but spoken very well. Not saying that you have done one single thing wrong but none of us know the entire story between your son and wife. Not all but a lot of what was said is based on things that sadly have happened to our fine community members over their lives. I could get into a story but will pass and only say I haven't talked to my son since he was 36 and is now 41. Does it hurt sometimes, yes but one learns to live with things. What really hurts everyday is my wife's passing two and a half years ago but again you learn to live with things and do the best you can.

What I really want to add is if you love your wife remember she is the one you are going to be with for the rest of your life and you have that love everyday. It can sometimes be impossible to change a persons feelings. As mentioned above about spending a weekend I think that may be to much to start with.I'm hoping that if you told your wife you were taking your son to lunch, dinner, whereever for a couple hours she would understand that it is your son. ask her what it would take from him for her to at least accept him into your home for awhile. If you can get an answer and talk to it with your son maybe he will understand. There is always a chance this could work out but it's not going to happen in a week. He may be 17 now but believe me he hasn't grown up yet. If he has grown up enough by some chance he will understand what you are trying to tell him about the situation and what he did in the past to cause it. If he understands he caused it he may also be able to say the correct things and make it better over time. Everyone that has said something has feelings for what you are going through. Thing is there are no real answers as most situations are different. So all we can do is throw things out there for you to think about that may help you.

This may not sound real nice but until you get to know your son you have no idea if he has something up his sleeve so to speak. Your wife is your wife and someone you have everyday so please remember that. Really think you need one on one time with your son so you can understand where this is going. To help that understanding it would be wonderful for him to understand your wife's feelings and wanting to correct them with her. Sorry I got so long winded here as my own loneiness gets in my way sometimes. That last sentence was to let you know I had lost my son but wasn't lonely however when my wife wasn't here I became totally alone. Think about that. My heart hurts for you my friend.

You have children, you marry a wife.  Until children really grow and experience family of their own, they can't rightly value their parent's relationship.  Children see their own interests in all things as first importance.

I agree with mostly everything DaveBox has said above here.

I made my child leave (at 18) and wouldn't let him come back--but I went and got him when he didn't expect my help too.  There isn't any cookie cutter solution--that's why it's so important to make sure that the decisions you make are ones that represent truths you really believe in.

As to having him in your home--two people have to decide that not one--let your son know that.

Especially in redneck families.  One doesn't know how it feels to lose two sons and a wife, unless they've lived it.  I had hoped for a second chance to prove I can be a father to my sons. I guess that may still happen, just from a distance....dunno.

I do need to support my wife though. She is the one I hope to spend eternity with.

Guys, thanks for the input. I believe it'll work out.

Between the words here, and some PMs, I have an idea on how to proceed. 

Still, if you feel like commenting, go ahead. More views on a subject can sometimes present things that were overlooked before. Seems some of you have some good insight into these things.

Just remember that bit....it's important...

If you want to talk with a quasi-sentient human....I often fake being one fairly well...

I wish you the best, RedneckDude.  These things are never easy!

Btw: good one Jafo.

That makes a lot of sense to me.

he is your son, she should know better and let him come to you. if she loves you she should also love your son no matter how he acted that time years ago.

put your foot down and tell her he is your son, you love him and he is coming to stay. 2 days isnt going to kill her.

and i speak from experience...

my father was supposed to have me to visit, for four school holidays a year, but because my step mother just didnt like me for no reason what so ever, i only got to see him once a year at christmas, from the age of 9 until 16. so i never got to know him very well.

i lost time with him, he lost time with me, everyone lost.

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN

i may be old fashioned, but the husband is the master of the home, not the wife.

Good luck with that, Kitty.

I always thought you lived in an entirely alternate universe.....

Your blood will always be your blood. You cannot divorce them. You already have a one under your belt. You could wind up divorced again. Not having anything to do with your children. 

I'm with Vampothica. Don't give up on him. That's what he's feeling. That leads to acting out. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In the long run you will regret this decision. There is no love greater than our children's. Unconditional. Constant. Total.

Frankly I don't understand how you can say no to him. Ultimately it is your choice.

If she don't like it. Bye Bye. She might surprise you.

I haven't spoken to my sister in years. And could care less but, if my child wouldn't talk to me I think I'd die. 

I don't understand at all.....

Well, I had a cousin whose father didn't communicate with her for years because his 2nd wife didn't like (my cousin).

Then suddenly he wanted to talk with her at her college graduation. Yea, that didn't happen. (its a permanent break by this point).

I'd say, whether you allow him to visit or not, keep in close contact.

I agree.

Dear Abby